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So we found this house.... it's pretty, it's very large, it's in move-in shape (though it could stand a few fiddly things like water-seal on the deck, and we would need to make sure the house inspector isn't seeing things we're missing). The catch is, it's in Framingham.

jducoeur posted in his journal that we are dithering. Unfortunately, it seems that most of the comments seem to be non-supportive of our moving out there. Waaaah!

I readily admit, we would already have earnest money on this house if it were closer in. No question, if it were in Waltham, or Watertown, we'd be all over it. (Though in Waltham, I think it would be in the upper 7s or low 8s in price.) Would our friends really not come to Framingham? Don't they already not visit us, and if so, does it matter if they still don't? We want to entertain - will we be refused?

More dither.

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People still came to visit me when I moved over an hour further away. Granted, no one drops by for tea, but no one ever did in the first place. When I throw a party, people still come. They leave a bit earlier than they used to, but that's reasonable considering the longer drive.

I don't know how applicable my situation is to yours, though. All my friends already lived out in the suburbs, as did I. I just moved from the suburbs to the boonies. Public transportation was never in the equation to begin with.

A lesson.

In Calontir, there is a shire, that is very very very far away from the center of the Kingdom - in Arkansas. It is very active, and very involved in the Kingdom. They have promoted several sayings - one of which is "It is not further to Grimfells than from Grimfells". They say it often, at events.

In other words, if you and Mark keep connections with friends, the connections will remain. If you and Mark drop off the planet (hah), then when faced with the additional travel, folks who feel marginalized will show it.

There would be change, but I doubt there would be catastrophic change.

And, in the "hey, it's me, brutal honesty", I rarely go to your current house because even though I am not-allergic, the cat intensity gives me problems. If your new home would be the same, it would be the same. Mark may think it's cute that his hat has a second layer of cat fur, but I don't like to feel a need to go home and change clothing. (I mentally treat your current home as if you two were heavy smokers - as soon as I get home I wash my clothing, and intensively clean my contact lenses. This is not true for every "home with cats" that I visit.)

I think people are stating why it would be harder, not why it would fail. If they give a damn, they'll come regardless of distance.

mm, i have to agree with

goldsquare (yes, pigs are flying)... while lots of folks, me included, said lots of stuff about th4e framingham location, we are just being selfish about it. give time, people adjust to the novel idea that htings change, and people move. it's not liek noone will ever speak to you because you moved outside the 128.

plus, yeah. really it's the cats, not the distance...

now, does this nifty hosue have a nice kitchen? :)

I have found that moving separates what one has thought were good friends from those who merely associate. It's true that being closer in proximity makes visits more possible but when I was in Littleton and even now in Methuen I have people simply who WON'T come out this way because it's an inconvenience and I always have to drive to them. Don't confuse this people who aren't able to get out which is a totally different thing. However fifteen minutes to Framingham is not a lot to ask. Even a half hour isn't. Besides, you have new friends waiting to meet you near your next home. Those who are your friends will still be there for you.

I agree 100% I have had enough people who I thought were friends drop into the casual aquaintance category because no matter how often I would visit at parties or even on a one on one basis they couldn't be bothered to come see me. If they're truly your friends you'll know it after you move.

Entirely from this end of the world: the two places I managed to get to when I'm in the Boston neighborhood are Cynthia & John's and Framingham, because I'm an alum at Framingham and a friend of the president of the College, and even though she's close to 70 and I'm close to 50, I still fear she'll skin me if I'm in the neighborhood and don't visit.

So.

However, I agree with most of what people say. My situation is that it isn't just 15 minutes, but people come to see me anyway. We have to plan more -- 2-3 hours away is not drop-in distance, especially now -- but it does happen. And the more I try to get into the bay, the more people try to get out to see me.

hugs. Framingham is lovely.

For the record - I am in Framingham rather frequently, - to visit other SCAdians - once a week, I'm in Natick for dance class, I come out periodically to see Li Kung Lo, Rhonwyn, or Eleanor & Fergus. Visiting yet another SCAdian out there is not going to wreck my style.

Yeah - I see more of the people in Dorchester, because they are 5 minutes away. But I make the effort, frequently, to drive to Arlington - which is neither in my work path nor my domestic path - for the joy of conversation with a fun textile geek.

I have to admit, I thought of you yesterday while we were driving around the area where the house is. Seems it's only half a mile or a mile from horse country. I think I could bike to the nearest riding stables. I might just have to try riding one of these days.

Oh, see, there's a draw for me, if you have riding places nearby....

I'm sure that it would be a lot more expensive, if it were in another town closer in, as you say. That's partly why the further suburbs are attractive; you get more house & land for your money.

I think your friends will come visit you there. It's the acquaintances and 'not sure I will go to gaming tonight' people that will be less likely to visit if it's a little further. How much of an impact that makes is something only the two of you can decide.

Don't judge the comments as some sort of poll, because as you know from discussion lists, folks are most likely to natter on if it's something they're a bit negative on. Folks rarely natter on if they're positive; sometimes the positives don't post at all.

I asked about public transportation because while I am carless, I don't really want to inconvience my friends when I want to see them. So if I can work out a way to get myself to and from places, it's all good. Now, fortunately, I have pretty generous friends when it comes to rides and things. but I still don't want to put them out if I don't have to.

And I still think the commuter rail is neat.

It is our strong intent not to have the cat problems in the new home that we have in the present one. I hope the hardwood floors on the first floor would cut down on ambient unvaccumable cat hair.

For those who simply can't visit the home of a cat owner, I'm sorry. For those who have trouble in our current place, we hope it will not be as much of a consideration here.

I don't know about the commuter rail, but coming from NYC to see

cvirtue and

metahacker & flock on the Acela in a snowstorm was really, really, really cool.

People just don't want things to change. Now, if you moved four hours away,
you *really* find out who your friends are. It'll be a little tough for your carless friends, though.

(and for the record, *Ekk and I* live in the boonies. Mistress Eleanor lives in the country)

Anna dimitriova
(Montgomery Center, Vermont)

Don't they already not visit us, and if so, does it matter if they still don't? We want to entertain - will we be refused?

If they already aren't coming to you, moving to where they might not come isn't losing anything. It is merely not gaining one of a few goals you have for the new house.

More is the point - how much more difficult will it make coming in for you? It is easy to say that it isn't likely to cramp your style, but you need to think practically, almost brutally so.

If someone in-town organized a trip to a movie you want to see, how likely is that distance to get in the way? How often is the extra half-hour of round-trip travel going to bump a gathering of friends into the "not quite worth the effort" area? Remember that traffic will be a bigger concern. Layer on how often you're likely to arrive late or leave early due to the distance. Be on the pessimistic side of realistic. If you feel you can still honestly say "It won't slow me down", then you are okay.

You both have jobs which take up a lot of your day -- have you considered a once-a-week maid service? If you start with one at the new place (wherever it is) it will be easy for a service to maintain, and you won't have to waste your leisure time. Particularly if this house is much larger.

Yes, in fact we've considered it here as well but didn't want to start a service at the serious negative state of our current abode. If they had only to maintain the tidy state of the new one, much better.

Correction: MetaGEEK. I do it too. Meta - some -computer -term....

Metahacker is a nice guy, but I don't know him that well yet!

Arg. Sorry. I sat and tried to remember, and then got it wrong!! Eeek.

Natick/Framingham have excellent movie theatres, not to mention Mall-Land.

Here's my thought. If this was the perfect place for you, you wouldn't be asking anyone else's opinion. So this isn't perfect; what is? The question becomes, is this good enough? Does it make you happy?

You may have to give up one of your goals: either "house perfectly configured for the parties" or "house central enough that friends will come even when there's no party scheduled". What's most important?

I pay $65 dollars a week. So so so worth it. They mop, vacuum, dust, straighten a little, change the sheets - and if I ask, will do occasional bigger projects like clean the fridge or if I remind, vacuum the ceiling fans.

It may be perfect for them.

If I correctly recall their original discussion of what they wanted in a home, one of the things they dislike about their current situation is how it sucks for parties and entertaining. That makes any new abode subject to at least a little bit of public polling.

No one just drops by their house - they are busy people and I wouldn't expect them to be home at any random time.

I don't think there is much concern, frankly. But it isn't my life or lifestyle up for grabs.

I would be more concerned with purchasing large real estate on the edge of the greater metroplex at a time when we know we are at the top of the RE bubble and when gas and heating prices are volatile and rising. I remember when you guys couldn't refi the Waltham home. I don't expect that interest rates will drop again, but you may find yourself in a situation where the house is worth less on the resale market than your mortgage, at least for the next 3-4 years. (Recent articles I have seen show a 50/50 percentage that the RE market in Boston will bubble-burst as opposed to glide down. Either way, the property resale value might not be so high.)

If this is a 10 year purchase and you feel confident in your dual incomes, none of my blathering matters. If I were forced to sell my home at this time, I'd not purchase new property right away - I'd rent for a few years. It would mean, for me, liquidating or storing many of my "treasures", and probably far more so for you and Mark.

That would be an instant "Let's buy it" for me :)

I'd say that if you really love the house, and everything is right about it (especially price!) then go for it. The only question with location is -- would that mean a longer commute to work for either of you, and would that be a problem? We're about twenty minutes from Madison, but it's all highway driving so I think it kind of comes out even. We're getting better gas mileage on both vehicles than we did when we lived in the 'burbs, and the commute isn't really that much longer than it was when we had to commute in CA. (Excluding the time we both worked a mile from the house!)

This is at least a 10-year, if not a 25-year purchase for us. We feel that if the market dips it will rebound over time, and as long as we do not need to sell during the dip phase, we'll be fine.

We have considered, off and on, the possibility of selling now, renting, and buying later. However, we do not wish to move two or more times in the short term, and we do not wish to give any MORE money to the companies who store one's personal effects (we will close out those arrangements as we move this time).

I've found that as a general rule, people don't just "drop by because we're in the neighborhood" much anymore. However, if you invite folk over, it shouldn't be a problem.

I live in the SF Bay Area, and none of my friends lives within less than 20 minutes drive, and most of them substantially more. That said, if we ask folk over for dinner, or we want to go to the movies with friends, etc., as long as we make plans, it works out fine.

I think some of it is a shift in general in Americans and how they interact with people. For example, how well do you know your next door neighbors? I know that we've been in our place for over a year, and sort of know the people to one side of us (we know them by name, but we don't actually get together with them for anything), and don't know anyone else. I seem to recall that once upon a time people knew everyone in the neighborhood ...

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Devil's advocate - sorry to appear jaded

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LOL 15 min???

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