For my sins

[msmemory_archive]

It does seem that the biggest problem I have with my OES obligation is with the part that says "I will not speak evil of a sister or a brother." Because even when the evil things are true, they are still evil. And unkind. And worse, I know better. And I try to be better than that. And try again, and fail. Part of the point, however, is to pick myself up, give myself a good talking to (or heed it when I get the dope slap from elsewhere), and try again.

Comments

[dlevey.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lashon_Harah

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

There are many philosophies of that sort.

If something is true, that neither makes speaking of it evil, nor lacking in evil.

It depends upon how you say it, to whom you say it, and to what purpose.

[jimpage363.livejournal.com]

It sounds very frustrating. :::hug:::

[talvinm.livejournal.com]

A couple strategies come to mind.

One is to sit down and write them out. Use a pseudonym if practical. Then, if you feel that it must be said, first show it to a peer within the group whose discretion you trust and ask, "Do you feel I am within my obligations to say this about a sister or brother for the purpose of _____."

Another is to spell out your own feelings (this works well with the previous). "I feel uncomfortable when [X] happens" or "I feel that [Y] creates problems for the group" or somesuch.

I have been in a situation where I was made to feel that I could not speak out about serious problems because we were constantly being counseled to be a "non-anxious presence". This ultimately led to me blowing up at the counselor (who was making me feel very anxious!) because I had bottled it in too long. I did manage to communicate to him that "anger is a mechanism that tells us something is wrong."

It is good that you are mindful of your words and how they affect you and others. I do not know the full obligations of a member of the OES, but I doubt those obligations go so far as allowing a problem to continue while you keep silent. The fact that you admit to this here indicates that there is some manner of problem.

Identify the real problem, work with your sisters and brothers to fix the problem, and it may not be truly said that you have spoken or done evil.

[talvinm.livejournal.com]

An addendum to this: "Evil" is not synonymous with "something we do not want to hear", no matter how much they protest to the contrary.

[malvinareynolds.livejournal.com]

oh, you took the words right out of my mouth...OES, SCA, you are a true Peer and I admire it.

[metasomething.livejournal.com]

If you can't say something nice, say something honest.

Never feel bad about speaking the truth.